SEASON SAVED: Phillies Sign 35-Year-Old Jason Marquis

HBT – Veteran right-hander Jason Marquis has signed a minor-league contract with the Phillies as he comes back from Tommy John elbow surgery last July. Jim Salisbury of CSNPhilly.com reports that Marquis will head to extended spring training for now, but he could be an option for the Phillies’ rotation in the second half if his recovery continues to go smoothly. Marquis has generally been a decent back-of-the-rotation starter except for a disastrous stint with the Twins two years ago and had thrown 211 innings with a 4.05 ERA in a season-and-a-half with the Padres at the time of the injury.

Oh, Ruben you sly son of a bitch. How do you keep stealing these under the radar, over the hill players right out from the other team’s noses who never cared to sniff them in the first place? The guy was an absolute fireballer with the Braves and Cardinals in the early 2000’s. I figure only age, wisdom and a Tommy John surgery has only improved his game.

Sure, this is a complete no-risk, no high-reward situation bringing Marquis on with a minor league contract, but let’s be real. It’s comical at this point. Maybe we can bring back Jim Thome for a 3rd time, see if he can be a sparkplug for this lineup. Desi Relaford could probably hit better than the talking pile of pig shit that is Cesar Hernandez. In the end, this season is cursed. Cliff Lee is more hurt than we thought. Our $23.5 million “ace” Cole Hamels is 1-4. REID BRINGAC is our starting 3rd baseman. The only saving grace this year has been Chase and Ben Revere’s one home run. Time to pack it in (I.E. Fire Ruben) and build towards a future instead of desperately trying to get back to .500 to save face.

The worst, I mean the absolute WORST mush of this season is bringing back fucking Bobby Abreu only to cut him, and of course watch him be picked up by the Mets and out perform 2 of our 3 starting outfielders. Talk about a kick to the dick from Paul Bunyan.